Soodhalter’s Informagoriam

So I was watching this interesting television program on NBC last night about the development of the Law and Order television series. It was a four hour retrospective that was just fascinating. Apparently, the idea for Law and Order came from the design and structure of the board game known as Clue. The creator of the show was playing the board game one night and realized that this concept would translate splendidly to television. A few changes, however, had to be made. First, instead of all the crimes taking place in a rich person’s mansion, they would take place in New York City. Second, police detectives, rather than the suspects themselves, would investigate the crimes. Prosecutors would do the accusing. The creator of the show also decided that there would be no manila envelope containing the actual information about who committed the crime and how it was committed. It was also decided early on that, unlike the board game, the same characters would not be suspects in every show, as that might get monotonous.

The program went on to describe how, after Law and Order became popular and spun off Special Victims’ Unit, a new spin off of Clue based on SVU was designed called Clue: Mansion Sex Crime. The game was never produced commercially as Parker Brothers executives worried that it might be considered inappropriate for minors.

Clue itself, interestingly, descends from a game that arose during the times of the witch hunts in Europe and North America. Originally, the game was played with real people, and the culprit was executed after the game was over. Slowly, as hunting for witches fell out of style, children adopted the game, albeit without the execution component. Back then, the game was called I Accuse! While similar in some respects to the modern Clue, there were some important differences. This game was set in the actual town as a whole, with such murder locations as the town square and the horse stables instead of the various rooms in a mansion. The game was actually played in the town rather than on a board. Clue uses physical murder weapons, but I Accuse! dealt mostly with magical murder weapons, such as conspiring with the Devil to make a farmer’s crops not grow and then killing the farmer with magic or conspiring with the Devil to make a woman’s laundry appear less clean and then killing her with magic. At some point in the late 1700’s, the children of the upper class adopted the game. It then morphed into a board game to play indoors, likely so that the upper class children would not have to play outside and could remain pasty and white. Setting it in a mansion also made the game more familiar to the rich children and steered them away from the taint of the commoners.

So, in the future, when someone asks you what connection Law and Order has with old witch hunts, you can tell that person, “plenty…now get out of my face!”

Hey everybody. I took a number of pictures over my month-long break. Here are the various albums for your enjoyment.

2006 - Duke Guapo’s Manly Holiday Classic

New Years in New Orleans - An Unexpected Return

Another Goodbye Brunch

I watched quite a bit of television over the winter break, more than in the previous six months. I learned so much new information that I just have to share some of it with the internet:

• If you use Levitra erectile dysfunction drug, you can have old-people marital relations for up to thirty six hours after taking the drug. Once you have those relations, you can relax in outdoors in twin, old-timey bathtubs to watch the sunset on the beach or in the spacious back yard.
• If you use the Bow Flex workout machine, you can live out your dream of being in a rock band.
• A man with a fake Italian accent will send you an espresso machine for free (except for shipping and handling costs), and then you can purchase these special espresso pellets to use in the machine.
• When Hillary Swank goes on talk shows to promote a new film, she tries to recycle witty banter she has had with previous talk show hosts with the present talk show host (I’m on to you Hillary!).
• Pretty much everyone involved with the Today Show has some sort of mental impairment.
• Penn Jillette is a terrible game show host.

Well, that’s all I can think of right now. I am tired, though, so I am sure I have left something out. I will post it if I remember later what it is.

When I first got to Philadelphia and started graduate school, I never bothered to get a new doctor. This finally came back to bite me in the butt. The Temple University insurance requires that I get a special official primary care physician to officially see me for any reason before I do anything else. I take a total of 42 prescription medications on a regular basis, and near the end of the semester, my refills finally began to run low. In particular, I was nearly out of plexoglibbophlegamate (marketed under the brand-name Improvosil), an ointment used to treat chronic blurgitis. I called around trying to find a primary care doctor on my plan that also had appointments available in the next couple of weeks. It turns out everyone I called was booked far into January 2007. I abandoned my plans to see a fancy doctor for the rich and famous or even to see a mediocre doctor for the middle class and unknown and telephoned the city health clinic to make an appointment with doctors for poor folks. However, even they did not have any appointments available until February 2007. The lady on the phone did tell me that I could show up at 7:30 in the A.M. for a walk-in visit. Initially, I hesitated, but that blurgitis was really acting up so I decided to go.

I got there at 7:30 the next morning. There were about thirty people waiting outside. There was one old man wearing a fedora, large black rimmed glasses, and nothing else, and there was a little old lady with knitting needles. Some people had sick babies and others looked sick themselves. Apparently, the clinic does not really open until 8:00, but the receptionist simply tells everyone to get there at 7:30. The clinic was housed in a nondescript brick building. The bricks were gray and may have at one time been shiny and white. They seemed somewhat dirty that morning. On the front part of the building, the name of the clinic is emblazoned in large silver letters along with its status as a City of Philadelphia health clinic. As if to emphasize that we were not allowed into the building just yet, the front door had one of those metal, garage door-like cages that keeps everyone about five feet from the actual door. As I stood there, I could see all the nurses and other clinic staff milling about inside.

Finally, around 8:10, a man in scrubs came out and took his time unlocking the cage. He did not seem particularly welcoming. The doors opened and we rushed inside to the warmth. The interior was as dreary as the outside and had that same look of once being much more shiny and attractive. It felt quite dank yet mostly sterile. It did not quite have that sterile feeling of a real hospital, but it was as germ-free as one might expect from a government run clinic. A dry erase board directed walk-in patients such as myself to an area in the back. As we made our way, we were handed large squares of paper with printed numbers on them. I was number 21. The people administrating the waiting room all had angry or disgruntled looks on their faces and would not look anybody in the eye while fielding questions.

At some point after I sat down, someone rolled a cart in front of us holding a television and VCR. The cart reminded me of the ones I would check out to professors when I worked at the Tulane Language Laboratory back in the day. A lady in scrubs put a tape in the VCR and walked away. The video started; but the tape was not completely rewound, so the program had already begun. On the television was footage of an empty boxing or pro-wrestling ring as the camera circled from above. By looks of the flashing lights, colors, and pyrotechnics, it appeared to be some sort of pro-wrestling program. Now, I spent the better part of my life (until halfway through college) watching professional wrestling, and I have a pretty good memory. Thus, I am usually able to look at such a program and have a pretty good idea of the year the program first aired based on the characters on screen and the general look of the production. By the initial footage I saw, the ring and stage decor looked an awful lot like the stage from the defunct WCW company. This seemed odd, though, since WCW had ceased to exist five years prior. Finally, a few wrestlers came out to start the next match. Specifically Bam Bam Bigelow was facing Brian Knobbs. Bigelow is a large, 300 LB bald man with flames tattooed on his skull. Knobbs is also quite large, used to be part of a team called the Nasty Boys, and was dressed in loose fitting military fatigues. I don’t think anyone is interested in a description of the match itself, but suffice it to say the match was terrible, even for a pro-wrestling match. Later there was a guy called Screamin’ Norman Smiley. He lived up to his nickname and screamed (scrum?) a great deal. He came out wearing a partial suit of armor and some buttless chaps. The production of this program was simply terrible. In particular, between matches, clips of extremely out of context interludes were shown which had nothing to do with what was to follow.

I have gone off on a bit of a tangent here, but the point of all this was that based on the characters shown and the general look of the production, this show was produced in 2000 (six years ago). The particularly terrible quality of the production makes sense in light of the year of production. I had a friend who worked as a publicist for one of the big star wrestlers in WCW. He emailed me once in 2000 to tell me that WCW was “sinking like a ship” and that he was moving to CNN.

My point in recounting this video is that this is what was being shown to me and the other walk-in patients while we waited for our medical care. For the first twenty minutes, the people working in that area ignored everybody. Then, slowly, people started getting called up. I mean very slowly. So, for around fifty minutes, I watched this video. The more I watched, the more upset I became. Basically, the mindset at this clinic was that they could show an old video of terrible pro-wrestling, produced by a defunct organization, recorded from cable six years ago because, I suppose, for poor folks it did not really matter. This does not make sense on any level. Why not just show network programming like the news or Rachael Ray’s program. If the clinic personnel insist on showing a video, why not show a comforting movie. If they insist on showing professional wrestling, why not show a program from last week or at the very least, last year? I cannot think of a good reason to show a six-year-old VCR recording of a pro-wrestling program produced by a company in the throws of death.

About an hour into this experience, I realized that waiting around was an exercise in futility. They had gotten up to number 4. I also realized that I could just have gone to the Temple student health clinic. I paid the health fee at the beginning of the semester. I wondered why this thought had not crossed my mind before I made this useless trip. I got up and left, never to find out how the main event of the wrestling program played out. I was so mad when I stormed out that kept my paper number 21, taking it out of play forever. That was my way of sticking it to the man. Although, this entire trip was highly unnecessary, I am glad I showed up that morning, just to see this situation unfold. Showing that video seems to indicate that the employees of that clinic hold their clientele in low regard. I wonder what other videos are in the clinic library? Is it a collection of six-year-old professional wrestling tapes, or are other years represented. What other types of videos are there? Fortunately, I had the opportunity to leave this place, but for many area residents, that clinic is their only means of getting medical care. That’s just sad.

Well, I have now lived in Philadelphia for about six months. This has given me ample time to get a feel for the city in order to report back some of my initial impressions of my new home.

History

I have learned quite a bit about the rich history of this birthplace of our nation. It turns out, this city, and the state of Pennsylvania as a whole were settled quite early by the Swedish. Unfortunately, the nation of Sweden proved inept at taking over the world. Charles I got his head blown off in a war with Russia, and things went downhill pretty quickly. A few bizarre, poorly understood traditions that can be traced back to the Swedes remain, such as something called the Mummer’s parade and, of course, the October 22 Swedish Oil Wrestling and Techno Music Viking Festival.

While we all learned in school that Pennsylvania was originally founded by William Penn, this is actually a common misconception. William Penn certainly existed, and was intimately involved in the early history of the state. However, much of the initial settlement of the state was directed by renowned Prussian urban planner, Heinrich von Schmidt. Schmidt was a Prussian national who spent a number of years in the service of the British royal family and was sent to oversee the settlement of the yet to be named territory. He intended to call the new colony Schmidtzeltonia. However, Schmidt was unable to see the fruits of his meticulous planning. He was summoned back to London and immediately arrested on charges of being an agent of terror for the Prussian separatist movement. Schmidt was accused as the chief architect in a secret plot to “emit unspeakable emanations” in the presence of the Queen, in order to draw England into the Prussian civil conflicts taking place at the time. After a brief, perfunctory trial, Schmidt was found guilty and sentenced to hang. Public outrage over the plot was at a fever pitch. There were a great many public demonstrations, mostly centering on the burning of Schmidt’s buttocks in effigy. These effigy buttocks came to be known as “Heinies” (a truncation of Heinrich) and eventually that word became a common slang referring to the human backside. After Schmidt’s execution was carried out, the name of the colony was changed to Pennsylvania, under the mistaken impression that it meant “Penn’s State That Has Utter Disrespect for the People and Culture of Prussia.” Thus the colony known as Pennsylvania came into being.

It should be noted that history has vindicated Schmidt, as evidence has surfaced that he was framed by rival urban planner, Count Franc Du Montecan.

Distinct Neighborhoods

Philadelphia is known for the distinctness of its many neighborhoods. Each neighborhood in Philadelphia has a unique flavor and culture making exploration of the city quite interesting. I live in a neighborhood called Northern Liberties. It was founded in 1682 by Gustav Libért. Some say it is the original suburb of Philadelphia and the United States as a whole while others dispute this claim and say that anyone who makes this claim is wrong, a big loser, and stupid. After a period of time, Northern Liberties fell on hard times. It was once one of the most prominent red-light districts in the United States until Philadelphia annexed the area and eliminated the prostitution in late 2006. This neighborhood is now said to be up and coming and is home to many artists and trendy bars. The western end is still a quite gritty, and this is where I live. I certainly do not fear for my safety, but I do not take long strolls after dark. Philadelphia as a whole seems quite gritty and the varying levels of grit seem to determine whether an area is considered nice or less than nice. Some other notable neighborhoods are Fishtown, South Philly, Old City, Center City, The Moose District, Ape Village, and Pedophile Square. Interesting Fact: Pedophile Square is actually not an area where pedophiles live. It gets its unfortunate name from the Swedish word for “bag of pudding.” However, the Moose District does have an alarmingly high number of registered sex offenders.

The Little Things

The cement trucks here are backwards from how they look everywhere else I have lived. They also all have the same weird paint job with red, white, blue, and black diamonds. At first I thought I was just repeatedly seeing trucks driving backwards, but I got close to one and sure enough, the driver cab is on the smaller side of the cement mixing part.

The laws governing alcohol purchase here are quite weird, as a result of a great deal of Quaker influence in this area. There are two classes of alcoholic drinks in Pennsylvania; beer and not beer. Beer can be sold at beer stores that sell only beer. “Wine and Spirits” can only be sold at government stores called Wine and Spirits stores. It is difficult for businesses to get liquor license, so there are many BYOB restaurants around town. At the beer store, one cannot usually purchase a six-pack of beer. Beer is sold by the case. If one wants to buy a six-pack or a 40″ for a rousing game of Edward Forty-Hands, that person goes to a bar and gets it to-go. Now, wine spritzers and Zima fall into a separate category of drinks primarily consumed by women. Thus, there are additional regulations regarding where they cannot be sold. Specifically, there is a strict prohibition against sale of wine spritzers at the hair salon or day spa. However, a person can become a licensed street vendor of wine spritzer and Zima with the proper credentials. Health food stores carry Zima but not wine spritzers. Many of the rules are quite antiquated, and I am surprised that they are still around considering how politically incorrect they seem.

Drivers’ licenses and automobile registration are not related here. To get a drivers license in Pennsylvania, one must go to the state department of transportation office and take a battery of tests covering every facet of driving an automobile including a test over the history of automotive technology. Automobile registration and license plate acquisition takes place at little mom and pop shops where the plates are hand made. Again, this goes back to Pennsylvania’s Swedish roots. In the days of the horse and buggy, it was customary to affix a piece of the family China, generally a plate, to the rear of the buggy in order to identify the owner of the buggy. Family China was generally made at small establishments called plate shops, generally run by a man and his homely wife. As time passed, stores began to specialize in buggy plates, and these were the precursor to the modern mom and pop license plate manufacturers that exist today in the state of Pennsylvania.

This represents the first of hopefully many posts about my observations of this new place I find myself living. I will try to make more time to post next semester, though I am finding graduate school to be quite a bit of work.